I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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