All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
