She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
