I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
