Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think I died a long time ago.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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