i already hear my dad disowning me
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
