it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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