tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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