lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
