maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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