Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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