I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
