I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
