the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
