But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
