Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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