Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
