My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
