areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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