mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
