So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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