I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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