I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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