I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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