shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize