dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
