Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
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I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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