a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
