Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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