My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
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Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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