Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
