She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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