I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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