So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
