The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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