Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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