I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
