since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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