Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
