the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
