First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
