i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I believe in your delicious
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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