I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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