That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
