trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just had sex on a roof
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Pants are for mortals
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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