i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
