The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
