Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
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Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
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The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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