do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
