I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
