Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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