I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
