Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
