Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
