it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize