I want to stick my p in your. b.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
