so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
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Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
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Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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