i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
