But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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