you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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