She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
